Seizing the Right Moment
The patient reported having “seizures,” non-specific weakness, dizziness, and tingling or numbness in her hands and feet. Her electrolyte problems, which were later resolved and continued her symptoms, are the reason she is admitted. These problems are unrelated to her neuro symptoms. As expected, she “seizes” on the second day. She ceases convulsing as soon as the diazepam is pushed—before the flush even occurs.
Three hours later, this occurs once more. When she began to grasp for the third time, we seized her hand and attempted to drop it twice in her face. She moved her hand out of the path each time to avoid getting smacked in the face. We did nothing but stand there till her shaking stopped. It took about 5 minutes. She left AMA a few hours later.”
Put Some Ice on It
U/BlueMeanie03: Not a doctor either, but a nurse hurried out of a room one day, reporting that her patient was not responding. As expected, the man was motionless in his bed and unresponsive to typical cues, so we called the closest doctor, an “old school”/no-nonsense kind of guy.
He entered the room hesitantly, tried to shout at the man without success, and then looked around the room before grabbing the water pitcher, removing the lid, and pouring the full icy bath directly onto the man’s head and chest. He awoke instantly and yelled, “WHAT THE f—?” as the doctor left, telling him not to turn around and said, “He’s fine.”
Can You Hear Me Now?
U/Mynameiskelli: As an audiologist, I’ve noticed that people frequently pretend to have hearing loss. Youngsters act this way to garner attention or skip school for a day. Each of us has our strategies for getting them to back down. For me, it’s bringing my microphone down to a comfortable level and jokingly mentioning that they dropped something in the booth.
They instinctively reach for it, not realizing that their “loss” should have prevented them from hearing it. My favorite test is having students repeat words I ask them to do when they are lying. When I say them at a normal volume, and the kids are actually trying to hear me, I can’t help but smile and say hilarious things.
Quit the Dramatics
U/MedicalWelder: This theater soldier occasionally appeared late at night and fabricated ailments. His family would be blowing up his Afghan cellphone while he was telling them he was before he appeared. His voice would shift, and he would theatrically tell his wife and family things like, “It’s okay, I’m at the aid station.”Don’t worry; everything will work out fine.
After our battalion surgeon examined him, he would find no problems. Our battalion surgeon finally moved him up to the largest US military theater hospital after he repeated this two or three times. He claimed to have an artificial disease [and].In the real world, a psychologist would be contacted by you. The military, though, isn’t as generous. In the US military, it’s known as malingering, and it’s illegal. He was expelled from the Army and deported back to the United States as retribution for his deceit.
Anything for Extra Treats
U/Moctor_Drignall: I once saw a dog whose left hindlimb was intermittently lame. Had persisted for some months. It was not a slight lameness either; the dog would sometimes hardly touch his toes. When I finally sent the dog for a referral to an orthopedic, they could not identify anything in particular. They reasoned that the dog was simply hurting itself at home regularly while the owner was away.
The owner set up CCTV in the house to keep an eye on the dog. Only to find that the dog would joyfully run about the house on all four legs during the day and begin to hobble as soon as the owner returned. It’s possible that the dog once hurt itself and discovered that limping attracted more attention and food. The owner paid more than £2000 to discover that her dog was acting strangely.
The Right Time
U/Goofygrrl: “I had a patient with diabetes who used to self-inject insulin in the waiting area. Then, to get him some glucose, we would have to dash outside with a gurney and a few technicians, dump him on, and hurry back into the emergency room.
He enjoyed cutting the line. He would occasionally be staring straight at the females as they worked. Immediately, he looks them in the eyes while injecting himself. That sucked the day he went too far, but I wasn’t there.
Modern Day Dracula
U/dufmum: “I had a patient in her late teens who was hospitalized due to symptoms that nobody could identify.” His stomach began to hemorrhage, requiring endoscopic treatments. There was no source found….. continued to bleed.
Then, an unidentified nurse saw him extracting blood from his central IV and consuming it (his mother was a co-conspirator and had syringes in her purse).
Some Impeccable Timing
U/Djdanny90999: “One time someone faked an illness to get out of school.
But when [he] went to the hospital he found out he had to get his kidney removed.”
Stand Back and Watch the Show
“My spouse, who works as an EMT and firefighter, told me of a time when they were called to a man’s seizure. A man was faceup on the floor, motionless, when they arrived, and he immediately began acting like he was having a seizure. As they stood there, they exclaimed, “Oh wow.” This one is not good.
However, if they engaged in XXX conduct, we need to be really concerned!’ The patient would then start acting out in XXX ways. This seems to have continued for some time.
Hitching a Ride Back
U/SillySafetyGirl: “One more paramedic speaking up! I once went to a “no tell motel” at around 3:30 pm to get help for my seizures. A twenty-five-year-old man was seated on the bed when we arrived; according to his girlfriend, “his whole body was shaking, and it stopped just before you got here.” He’s fully conscious and focused (people with seizures usually need some time to ‘wake up’), and his seizure history is hazy, with no known diagnosis or medication.
When we eventually get him outside to the ambulance, his girlfriend asks if she may accompany us. Naturally, when I tell her, the actual reason is revealed. She has a pass from the hospital where we are transferring her, and she needs to return by 4 pm. There’s only one unit that does pass like that… psychiatry!”
Calling Him on His Bluff
U/Apple_Sunday: Had a child lie about being sick, and his mother confronted him to call him on it and demanded that he have roughly twenty injections.
He broke down in tears and spoke the truth; I’m sure he received the biggest blow to his life. Playing along with that was enjoyable, though.
The Magic Words
U/tugboattommy: I’ve examined the hearing of a few children who looked like they were deaf in one ear, ages ten to twelve. All you have to do is switch on your microphone, speak softly in the ‘deaf’ person’s ear, and pose a question concerning a subject that matters to them.
When you ask young boys, for instance, “what video games do you play?” at 20 dB, they ALWAYS fall for it. Always works.
Right on Que
Had a patient begin to act strangely in front of the police after they were stopped for perhaps driving. When we arrive, the patient is still having intermittent seizures. Surprisingly, the police officer joins us after we get them onto a stretcher and into the back of the ambulance.
I tell them, “Yo, if you want this medication, I need you to stop so I can start and IV real quick,” as the shaking begins again as I grasp their arm. The patient stops to allow me to begin the line, and they resume as soon as I declare my completion.
Not So Friendly Neighbor
“Had a patient, a young man in his mid-twenties, who is already odd, come in for a hearing test. The primary problem is that his music is causing noise complaints. Oh.There are no physical problems with his ears, so I take a hearing test and find that he essentially has a severe hearing loss.
Strange because the area is essentially sign language territory.I ask him as I approach from behind what his intentions are for the evening, and he gives me a suitable response. Undoubtedly what is referred to as a “non-organic hearing loss.” He was attempting to obtain the outcomes he desired in order to defend his lack of neighborly grace.”
Surgical Surprise
“This child once came in with his mother. They both claimed to be possibly cancerous. They did contain it, fortunately in a very little amount, according to our tests. Unfortunately, it was in a strange spot in the stomach, and ironically, it happened to be the same for both of them. When my senior surgeon recommended surgery, they almost instantly agreed.
When the procedure started a few weeks later, the nurse’s face paled and she asked, “Sir, is that cancer? I haven’t seen cancer before.” “NOO,” I cried out. The doctor rushed in and explained that the purpose of the surgery was to remove the objects that were lodged in the patients’ stomachs, not to treat the cancer. We discovered that it wasn’t cancer at all after examining the patient more closely on the operating table. Little diamonds wrapped in cotton wool were stuck in the intestines of both the mother and the son. We still don’t know why a whole new kind of surgery was needed, but at least they weren’t suffering from cancer.”
Petrifying Experience
As an emergency room nurse, I once experienced extreme fear due to a pregnant patient. I was told she was in labor when she was brought here in a hurry at 4:30 AM. Twelve doctors and staff members came together to assist in moving equipment and getting ready for this emergency because we didn’t have enough time to get her to a maternity ward. Doctor to patient: Please prepare yourself by taking a few deep breaths. This will ache. Me: Tell her not to do it!
It will hurt since the baby isn’t there. She has been lying and pretending to be pregnant in order to stay with her spouse. We will need to pump her stomach because she consumed something that mimics the effects of labor. Although it will hurt, she will recover perfectly fine. She’s a really fortunate woman, and hopefully she’s grown up.”
Swerved
“A young woman, allegedly experiencing stomach pain, hurried into the emergency room of a small rural hospital.” According to the new Ontario rule (automatic license suspension and impoundment), the police officer had pulled her over for driving more than forty kilometers over the speed limit. Police reportedly followed her into the emergency room and promised to wait for her when she got out.
I was one of the locum staff members staying at a tiny B&B about fifteen minutes away; the ER had pre-printed order sets that needed to be completed before we got there. She walked right out and said she just came in because she panicked out and didn’t stop when I got there. We would allow her forty-five minutes to phone her family before I booted her, I informed her. However, bHCG was positive, and an ultrasound a few days later revealed a very early ectopic pregnancy. The officer discovers a problem when he receives an air ambulance call over the radio. She was asymptomatic and only discovered that she had unintentionally avoided prosecution and a potentially fatal situation. Undoubtedly, that was a W– moment.”
Down to the Wire
“A group of doctors and I were having dinner together when they began telling one other stories of patients who had pretended to be ill. Significantly, a single story jumped out. This woman had arrived complaining of severe discomfort in her stomach. Despite doing numerous tests tests, the physicians could not identify any issues with her. She yelled and began to writhe in anguish just as they were going to release her.
Upon noticing an odd object protruding from her ear, a medical professional extracted a cable attached to a little recording gadget. Even though there was nothing wrong with her, the woman had been trying to get information so that she might sue the hospital for negligence. I’ve made it a point to inspect my patients’ ears closely.”
Just Relax!
My mother is a physician, then. She related a story to me about a woman who came in complaining that she was unable to use her arms because she had been having seizures. In order to see if she would react, my mom tried pushing it and testing her arms.
The woman was unable to “move” her arm, so she persisted in refusing and attempting to hold it in place. My mother had to force a chuckle before telling the woman to settle down. After that, she exited the room and released the patient.
Trick Question
U/OverUpAndOut: “Doc: Do you need to refill your meds? Pt.: nope, still taking them.
I am asking because I know based off of my prescription that it is time for you to get more…if you don’t need more it means you aren’t taking them”
Bruised Ego
U/rl4brains: “Known malingerer comes into the ER claiming to be paralyzed on one side of her body and demanding stroke meds.
My friend examines the malingerer and asks, ‘Hey, how did you get that bruise under your arm?’ Malingerer lifts up her ‘paralyzed’ arm to look for the non-existent bruise.”
Singing Outloud
U/tempthethrownaway: “Reminds me of a girl I used to know. Claimed her had seizures.
Then she got on the ground and started rolling back and forth, shouting LA LA LA at the top of her lungs. Legitimately thought she fooled people.”
Don’t Forget the Sauce!
U/ronsinblush: “A 9-year-old youngster with recently begun seizures is admitted to my care. The boy orders fries, apple sauce, chocolate milk, and chicken nuggets with BBQ sauce. When the EEG tech says she’s done and we’re recording, I call the kitchen to get him supper. Just then, he starts experiencing a “seizure.” In complete terror, the father exclaims, “He’s having one now!”
If this youngster were to perform The Worm, a dance move from the 1980s, while lying on his back, that would be the closest analogy. My colleagues and I are attempting not to chuckle. And I keep getting “Chicken nuggets, apple sauce, and chocolate milk” for my order. This young child cries, “Don’t! Forget!” mid- “seizure.” The Barbecue SauceI hurried out and crouched in the restroom, giggling.
Can You Do Me a Quick Favor?
U/1Darude: A woman said she had fallen in her home and could not get up. We called via a cracked window to check for another way inside except to break through her screen since the entire house was locked when we arrived.
She then gets up, walks to the front door, opens it, turns around, and returns to lying down. After a general examination, everything appeared to be in order. We were about to depart when she indicated she didn’t want to go to the hospital. Since we “are the EMS and are a higher priority,” she stopped us and begged us to call Comcast on her behalf.
Green Monster
U/PyrusPerseus: Had a 16-year-old girl come in claiming to have a broken wrist. She tried to demonstrate to me how painful it was for her to do that by “flopping it” after that. She indicated she would require a cast because it was broken. The mother approached me outside the room and said her daughter was known for being quite envious and that her buddy had recently received a cast.
I just replied that the X-ray would reveal anything if there was a problem. She threw a fit and didn’t receive a cast. The last time I saw her was crying, throwing a temper tantrum outside the waiting room, and being dragged out by her embarrassed mom.”
Inner Voices
U/ConneryFTW: “A woman who claimed to have several personalities used to work in my workplace. She was saying that she could communicate to different personas and then bring them out if necessary, which makes DID a kind of tricky diagnosis to begin with.
Everything about this gave the impression that it might be more of an attention-seeking or psychotic illness. She then introduced me to her multi-personality girlfriend, which they began to name. Disney princesses or candies mostly inspired them. The Beast was the name of the evil one, notable.
Explosive Story
U/HouseOfpwncakes: “A nurse once mentioned back pain and C4 to me when I was getting the lowdown on a patient. Alright, there’s a pain associated with his neck problem. Nothing noteworthy.
Then I spoke with the man, and he said no. He stated that the explosive C4 had been wired into his back by someone, and 1. It ached. 2. He thought it might blow up. I’m not sure why he felt that manipulating a couch or anything would be a more credible story to tell than that he had explosives in his spine, but whatever.
Seeing Clearly
U/YaBoiFast: “A parent enters with their child, who is typically in middle or elementary school…”Does anyone you know have glasses?” my dad asks the child as he ushers them into the examination room. The child responds, “Well, A, B, and C do.”The child addresses them by name and acts as though it’s a social custom. My dad employs a device known as a “phoropter” that contains many lenses.
He asks the standard question, “Which is clearer #1 or #2?” The youngster responds with the number that a 0.0x mag lens corresponds to. Dad pulls out some test frames that have 0.0x lenses. The youngster puts them on and begins to remark on how much more transparent everything is, while my dad is only muttering to the parent that “those literally have no effect on his vision.”
All in the Name of Love
U/Hareborne1: “I had a kid admitted from a juvenile jail facility due to an unexpected loss of movement. His kidneys were in danger of shutting down due to rhabdomyolysis, which was the cause of his brown urine. He didn’t know how this had occurred. His mother and sister paid him a visit on the second night following his admittance.
When I visit his room during rounds, I find this guy in his hospital bed, having an intimate relationship with his “sister.” This “sister” was his girlfriend, whom the judge barred him from communicating with. The police arrived and took her away. Eventually, the man’s rhabdo cleared. Before being released, he eventually acknowledged that performing 1000 leg squats was the cause of his muscular disintegration and leg weakness. All to see his love and be released from prison.
Good Soup
U/Ermernder: “This woman I was looking after wasn’t ready to go home; she was getting her discharge. She was admitted due to vomiting, nausea, and abdominal pain. Her testing and lab results were all negative. She was receiving some lovely painkillers when she was in the hospital, so I assume that’s why she was reluctant to go. She shows me the trash can and tells me she threw up during lunch.
She had combined her soup and milk in the trash can. She tells me that she initially puked up milk and then soup. I asked her, “So, are you saying that you drank the milk, threw it up, and then ate and threw up the soup?” She was finally let go.
Eggs Anyone?
U/USMC0317: “My three-year-old is undergoing tonsil surgery, and I’m doing my routine pre-operative physical, history, and evaluation. Her parents ensure she hasn’t eaten or drunk anything since the previous evening. After returning her to the operating room and putting her to sleep, she vomits what essentially amounts to solid, undigested scrambled eggs and aspirates when I try to insert the breathing tube.
We took her to the ICU and postponed the surgery. She was given less breakfast by her parents just before they arrived. When you confront the parents, they essentially tell you that they felt we were just being cruel by denying her food for eight hours. We ask you to refrain from eating for a while before surgery for a purpose. It is not because we just like being. Listen to us, please.”
Miraculous Recovery!
U/spookymagicians: Here, EMT. had a man who was “unresponsive.” Heartbeat steady, breathing unhindered. I tried applying pain stimuli by digging my pen cap into his nail bed, but it didn’t work. A firefighter then gave me a good sternum rub. Nothing yet. “I’ll get the catheter,” I continued, “because I don’t want him [my medic partner] peeing all over you in the ambulance.”
Won’t feel anything anyway, therefore he won’t get the lubrication. Oh, and I’ll fetch you our biggest needle so you can begin your IV. We are overflowing.Yes, he magically awoke.
Can You Give Me Some Directions?
U/ Fineanddandylion: “My mother is a nurse, not a doctor. She works in the mental health field, and she recently saw a patient who was seeking a very particular drug to treat his psychosis. When she starts asking him questions and he is unable to respond, he informs her that the voices are beginning.
I swear to you, this guy asks, “Where is the airport?” and goes on to tell me that he hears terrible voices in another language telling him to do terrible things. With her low language skills, my mother tells the man to leave her office since she doesn’t know where the airport is.
Eyes Open
U/mikuduku: “Patient comes in saying she has terrible abdominal pain 10/10. I say okay… And start to examine her. She immediately starts screaming the moment I touch her belly.
But look, I’ve seen patients in terrible pain, and nobody has ever yelled in pain with their eyes open. She wasn’t even tensing or anything.”
On Again, Off Again
“I observed a female enter the emergency room. The woman was elusive, so the triage nurse attempted to ascertain why she was there when her sister burst in. The woman began to seize as soon as she heard her voice. Her sister freaked out and insisted on being taken care of right away. She was led to chairs in the waiting area, where she lay down and continued with her “seizing.”
After a while, a doctor arrived to give her something and reprimanded her for her actions while her sister spoke with triage. The worst part was that she got up and began reading the paper as soon as her sister departed.
