Unwelcome Guest
U/blameitonmyouth: “I had invited a guy off a dating site to my house. When I opened the door, he said he could kill me if he wanted, and to never meet anyone off the internet again.
My two male roommates were in the kitchen because they knew this guy was coming, and heard him. They ran him out of the house.”
Mama’s Boy
U/Zatanna78: “Was talking to a guy who was a Maths professor, invited me on a date to an outdoor play where he was playing an ‘important role’. I show up to see it’s a church picnic and he was playing the devil. Introduced me to his family and all they talked about was Weird Al music, they didn’t listen to anything BUT weird Al.
Then his sister got on a loud tangent about why I went to a private school since unknownest to me he had told them everything about me and every conversation we had. Faked an emergency to get out of there, he wanted to take me to the state fair for a second date with his with his whole family.”
Family Affair
U/internet_poser: “He started making comments about my ‘p—‘ then took me to his house to use the bathroom before the next part of our date (we had lunch first, then were supposed to play mini golf). Didn’t know he lived with his parents so I had to meet them ON THE FIRST…DATE. They were nice but I felt so uncomfortable because I already knew this wasn’t going to move beyond date #1 thanks to his…remarks.
He told me to wait in his room while he went to the bathroom and I noticed that his computer was on. Before our date he was chatting with a friend and he left it up on the screen. I lied saying that my mom called with an emergency and needed me back home, noped the f— out and never spoke to him again.”
Eating for Four
U/TeamJJ88: “She told me she had 1 kid, baby daddy is long gone. During diner at a very expensive restaurant, think 5 star $100 per plate. She started ordering a lot of food. I stopped her and said there is no way your going to be able to eat all that tonight. She said that it was for her 3 kids that are in the car.
We got into a big argument. She said I had to feed her kids too. That they needed to be fed before dropping them off at their fathers house. I asked her why she lied…She said that if I knew the truth then I probably wouldn’t have gone out with her. I said your absolutely right, and walked out.”
From Date to Daddy
U/darkwingdibbs88: “I honestly tried to be tactful, at each step, but it was the way it kept escalating. First date over dinner she let slip that she had a 2 year old (us late 20s ish). OK fine, that’s a new element to this which I never heard before the date. Then ‘his dad was a sugar daddy’, uhhhh OK? Well I am not to judge.
Oh and then ‘but he isn’t looking to be a dad, he just pays me child support.’ Righto. ‘I still get messages when he’s h—-, but I promise to end it when we are exclusive.’ Oh good. ‘I definitely want more kids, but he is reluctant…’ Mhm…’Do you want to come back to my place?’ Say what now? Yeah nah I’m good. I’m convinced I was about to become a donor for her next paycheck.”
Swipe Right
U/A4leak: “She accused me of stalking her when we just matched on Tinder a few hours ago then met at a bar. I was there for maybe 15min when she accused me.
I left on my motorcycle and by the time I got home, 20 min, I had 10 texts and calls asking what was wrong why did I leave.”
Stay at Home Girlfriend
U/Known-Quantity2021: “He spent the whole meal talking about how he only dated nurses because they were great caregivers and looked after him. He talked about his last GF who after working her shift, came over to his place, and did his laundry.
I was a cook but he was willing to give me a tryout depending on how good my cooking was. We left and there was a busker outside with a crowd and we stopped to watch. I slowly edged my way into the back and then quickly walked away. He also showed up in sweatpants for an evening meal.”
Misleading Profile
U/RinTsukiomi: “I was doing online dating and one guy was very handsome and we had similar interests. Agreed to meet up at a local mall and instead of a 6 foot semi built dude I got a 5-5’2 (I’m guessing because I had to look down slightly and im 5’4) guy who looks like he hadn’t seen a gym in awhile.
I asked him about the profile picture and he said it was a picture of his friend. I told him that while I try not to judge people based off their profile Pic I wasn’t willing to continue the date with someone who was willing to lie about who they were. Left the mall pretty quickly after that.”
Play Ball
U/Monpetitvulcan616: “He invited me and a friend to play dodgeball with a group of folks I’ve never met. We’re having an ok time, he’s paying more attention to his friends but that’s fine because I’ve got my friend to keep me occupied. We’re hanging out in the parking lot before the first game is about to start when out of nowhere he grabs a ball and throws it at my c—– as hard as he can.
This [guy] screams ‘wham, bam, right in the c—!’ I immediately turn to my friend and ask her if she’s ready to leave. I say goodbye to him and his friends. Immediately come home to a grip of texts about how ‘immature’ I was behaving.”
Parking Prerogative
U/lechitahamandcheese: “I drove us. Started to parallel park (been working/parking in SF for years by then) and he said, ‘I’ll park this for you, women don’t do well at parallel parking.’ At dinner he was dismissive only to female wait staff. I ran into these two hilariously d—- surfer dudes on my way from the bathroom, they told me my date was a jerk. We laughed about it and I went back to my table.
When leaving, the d—- dudes were also outside, I said bye to them and [date] had the nerve to bark, ‘she’s with me!’ I told him to wait while I got in the car and unlocked the doors..except I didn’t. I drove off and left him standing there. The two d—- dudes whooped and yelled go, lady, go! Such an awesome finish to a terribly embarrassing date.”
Narrow Escape
U/IRLperson: “Invited me inside while he finished getting ready, no biggie. Once inside he insisted that I let him show me his ‘dungeon’. Dudes apartment was pretty empty, minus a t.v and couch, but his bedroom was kitted out.
He then wanted now uncomfortable me to see if the shackles on his bed fit me. Thankfully, I had set up for a friend to call me within the first 30 mins of the date and I faked an emergency.”
Sloppy Supper
U/mramirez7425: “We met on a dating app, meetup for dinner at the lamest restaurant ever it was like a nursing home. He told me about every health condition he had, along with gross details, as he is eating some SOUP with CHEESE stringing into his beard the entire time.
He never wiped his mouth once, then burped really loud. I excused myself after he asked me to taste his soup. No thanks.”
Screen Sniped
“I went on a first date with a guy I met online. As soon as he arrived at the coffee shop, he loudly exclaimed, ‘You’re not what I expected!’ I brushed it off and we sat down. Mid-conversation, he abruptly stood up, pointed at me, and shouted, ‘Your favorite movie is terrible! We’re done here!’ Shocked, I watched him storm out.
But the real kicker? As he left, he dropped his phone and his screensaver was a photo of Shrek riding a cartoon pony. Did I just go on a date with a brony? But it didn’t end there. He was halfway out the door when realized he dropped his phone and doubled back. I told him, ‘Nice screensaver!’ and he blushed bright red before rushing out of the coffee shop. I couldn’t be happier that the date was over.”
Inappropriate Proposal
U/Kultaren: “This guy and I were eating dinner after chatting for a couple of weeks, and unprompted (in the middle of something I was saying) and completely unrelated to what was being discussed he said something along the lines of, ‘So you know in order for this to work you’re gonna have to share yourself right? My friends and I like to pass girls around.’
I was pretty dumbfounded and after a bit of stuttering I told him I didn’t think it was going to work, asked for a to-go box and my portion of the check, and noped the f— outta there.”
Menu for One
“First date was great, second date was weird. He invited me for dinner then next night and I hired a babysitter for my kid. About 7 seconds after we ordered, he told me that he isn’t in a place in his life to be dating.
I left immediately and before any food arrived. F— that guy for the time waste. Could have been with my munchkin.”
Date and Switch
“A couple came in for dinner. I can tell it was their first meeting. The guy ordered sushi, and the girl just sat there. She said, ‘I am full.’ He was trying to have a conversation but the girl seemed uninterested. I realized what she was trying to do and as soon as she left for the restroom, I rushed to the guy. Me: Listen to me very carefully! Did you meet her online? He: Yes, but why are you asking? Me: I knew it was her! Hurry; you better run! He: What! why? Mo: Are you seeing the news?
She is the…elusive Black Widow! She’s been meeting guys online, acting disinterested, then robbing them when they let their guard down. She’s dangerous!’ Him: ‘Are you serious?’ Me: ‘Absolutely. You need to get out of here now before she comes back.’ He quickly grabbed his coat and hurried out of the restaurant. A few minutes later, the girl emerged from the restroom, looking confused. She huffed in annoyance, realizing her plan was foiled. Without another word, she stormed out of the restaurant.”
Phone Fiasco
“Happened to me around 2012. Met, she was glued to [her phone] the entire time. Stayed long enough to be respectful but dipped out of there pretty early.
She sent me a follow up text immediately after leaving asking why I left and if I wanted to get together again. Two things that could have been said a few minutes ago when I sat across from them. Takes all sorts to make a world.”
Negative Nancy
U/Kriskao: “I had [relations] with her before but it was the first time we were on a proper date. She immediately begun criticizing everything I did and telling me how to do it next time.
She didn’t say something like ‘I prefer such other place so next time i’ll take you there’ she instead said ‘I don’t like this place, next time you we’ll take me to this other place.'”
Money Talks
“When she asked how much I made, then told me that her ex makes double and that she needed that type of money to survive and needed a place to live as well and asked if I was willing to work more to make that type of money for her.
I told her it had been something close to nice, and told her she can go back to her ex and saw her to the door. When she asked how to get out of the building, I just let the door close.”
Silence Breaker
“When she kept talking throughout the entire movie and was loud the entire time where other people in the theater would complain but she would just get louder.
Finally I decided to leave her there while she thought that I went to the bathroom and texted her that it wasn’t a good match, I went home and she needs to call an Uber.”
Costly Disconnection
U/ELPwork: “Had a first date with a girl who insisted we go to a really expensive place, where she ordered a $25 dollar appetizer, $45 steak and a $15 drink. She wouldn’t put down her phone, kept taking calls and answering texts.
The waitress noticed and motioned for me from behind her. I excused myself, and the waitress had separate bills all made up and asked if I wanted to pay my share and leave her at the table. I said, ‘That would be wonderful!’ So I did.”
Income Inquiry
U/maxgaap: “We met at the restaurant, I had arrived first to get a table, the server showed her over, we shook hands, I pushed her chair in. The server asked if we would like a drink or to hear the specials. She picked up the menu, asked the server for a w— list without even looking at them, looked intently at me and said ‘how much money do you make?’ I said ‘excuse me?’ In a confused tone somewhat taken aback.
She stared at me and said very slowly and deliberately ‘how much money do you make in a year?’ I looked over at the server who was still standing there with a really awkward look on their face, thanked them for their assistance so far. Turned to my ‘date’ and said I was sorry but I had to leave, and I got up and walked out.”
Funeral Lie
U/SpaceKit98: “I didn’t walk out but I had been chatting to this guy online for a few months and we had arranged to meet in a cafe. After an hour and a half of waiting he finally arrives dressed in all black and says ‘sorry I’m late I was at a funeral there’. And didn’t think to tell me.
I mean I would have rearranged the date if I’d have known but he made no mention of a funeral at any point. And we had literally been chatting that morning online. Really weird thing to do and I mentally checked out of the date at that point.”
Dental Detour
U/Trioculate4343: “I went to pick up a girl for a date in my car on a hot summer day, I had the AC blasting…I arrive at her house to pick her up she comes out to the car and gets in it. About 5 minutes down the road she proceeds to ask me if i can, ‘Turn off the vents, because she feels like she is going to get sucked into them.’ I was kind of weirded out by the comment at first…So I shut them off.
Another 5 minutes down the road she pulls a bottle of water out of her bag and said, ‘I forgot to brush my teeth is it okay if I do it in your car.’ I asked her if she could not do that and told her I didn’t think this was going to work. So I turned around and dropped her back off at home.”
Fame Game
U/missehka: “We were talking for a few weeks through the dating site’s chat app and eventually on the phone. Agreed to meet but he was adamant about not showing me a photo of himself first because he said he was ‘kind of famous’ and didn’t want to be in a position that would compromise him in any way.
When we did meet up, I asked him what he was famous for. Turns out he’s some 4chan troll who made up a lie about some magic the gathering cards. He didn’t want to eat (said he was fine watching me eat, though) and didn’t take the hint when I left to actually run some errands. I didn’t respond to any of his messages or calls.”
Quick Escape
U/TheExogorth: “The girl I met up with was acting pretty strange since the first minute. She was walking besides me and was just… staring at me and not saying anything and after a while of monologuing and receiving no answers I asked her why she was looking at me like that. She just replied ‘Are you scared of me?’. To be honest I kind of was.
After that I basically said ‘D— I forgot about that one thing’, turned around, didn’t look back and took the first city bus I saw. I didn’t care where it was going, I basically just wanted to get the f— away from her.”
Slimy Snack
“My grandpa told me a story from his dating days in the 60s. Before he met my grandmother he was set up on a blind date with a French girl. They met at the movies and she brought a doggy bag of escargot with her.
My grandpa from a very isolated town in central Russia had never heard of eating snails before. He was so disgusted that during intermission he told her he was going to go get some popcorn and ran off.”
Pasta Protocol
U/Aquafish14: “Met at a restaurant for dinner. Ordered a couple drinks and entrees. He ordered pasta. He began eating his noodles with his hands, like pulling the spaghetti up over his face and dropping into his mouth. (My 2 year old niece knows how to use a fork).
I was so shocked I said nothing and averted my eyes to the sports on the tv, asked for my dinner to be packed up, paid for my portion of the bill and made an excuse to get the h— out of there.”
Dinner Ditch
U/saltycybele: “He invited me out to dinner. I always made it a point to drive myself on first dates. When I got there, his friend (m) was with him, and did not have a date. They had obviously been there awhile, as they were kind of d—- and still drinking.
I sat and had a drink, and they mainly spoke to each other, except to make a comment about my appearance… to each other. I excused myself to the ladies’ room, went to the maitre d’, and asked him to please say he never saw me leave. I left the restaurant and drove home. Thank God this was before cell phones or internet.”
Nasal Negotiation
U/theSuburbanAstronaut: “Not quite a date but the guy made it clear he wanted to get to know me. Kept it as a maybe and just observed him for a while. One day we went out to eat, and while we were waiting for our food, he shoved his finger way up his nose and shamelessly dug around for a few seconds.
Didn’t even put on hand sanitizer afterwards. I believe he wiped it on his shirt. That sealed the deal as a definite ‘no’ for me. There are times and places for that. God knows I’m not innocent! But in the middle of a nice restaurant in front of a girl you want to impress? Nah.”
Getting Comfortable
U/snowweseal: “We went to a movie back when they were junk seats that had arms that folded back. He folded up the one between us (cute, let’s cuddle) then the four others next to him.
Before the lights went out this m- lays his head in my lap and stretched his legs out to fill the other 4 chairs. Nope.”
Deadbeat Date
U/Just-Seaworthiness39: “The guy made me pay for dinner and drinks…then invited me back to ‘his’ house, which was actually belonged to his wheelchair-bound father. While we were at the house with his dad, he was incredibly rude to the old man and even joked that he would ‘put him out on the street, if he didn’t need him to pay for his tuition’.
Then this jerk invited me back into his room which…was horrendously dirty. Edited to mention that he also had a picture of him and some unknown female on the dresser and they didn’t look like family if you know what I mean. Needless to say, I choose to get out, and quickly.”
Finger Foods
U/kupoface: “One guy stuck his finger in my mouth while I was talking. We were in our twenties, he just.. did it. I pulled back, thought about my life, and told him I was going home.
Another guy during dinner was very obviously trying to hold back the fact that he needed to vomit like, ‘HBBLB I’m fine COUGH BLLBBH’. So. F——. Awkward.”
Red Flag Reality
U/SSteinerAccounting: “Met a cute girl while working loading trucks at a thrift store. she flirted and gave me her number. first date i picked her up from this decrepit old apartment that looked like the opening scene of a first 48 episode. in the first 10 minutes she tells me she had a baby taken away by CPS, hasn’t worked in over a year, and the whole time she’s checking her phone every 20 seconds texting back and forth with other people.
I don’t think i said anything more than ‘wow, that’s crazy’. I finished my food, left a $20 on the table, and said ‘yea this isn’t gonna work. you good to get home on your own?’ and walked out laughing. it was like i was on a prank show where they see how many red flags a guy will ignore if the woman is super attractive.”
Digital Distraction
U/anarchypretzel: “Great chats online, decided to meet in person. He’s got a blue tooth headset with a little LED light that shows it’s on. He keeps it on during drinks. I work up the nerve to ask if he can take off the headset while we’re eating dinner.
With pride and complete confidence he says, ‘Don’t worry! You totally have my full attention. This isn’t a phone headset, it’s a camera.'”
Unexpected Company
U/cat9tail: “He brought two friends along which was unexpected. They were all d—-. I flagged down a waitress while one guy left to go do something. I ordered my food, the other two confessed they’d already eaten. Third guy walks back in to the restaurant, dripping blood from a horrific gash in his arm.
In shock, I ran to my car & grabbed my first aid kit, cleaned & butterflied the wound, bandaged it, had the guy elevate his arm while the waitress called 911. Got cleaned up, returned to find the un-injured guys had just eaten my food. Grabbed my kit & my purse and walked out.”
Pre-Date Drama
U/VislorTurlough: “Hadn’t even met the guy yet – we were still chatting online to set up the first date. We were going to be busy at different times that weekend, but I was interested and sincerely offered to meet a week later instead.
He proceeded to get d—- by himself and sent a ton of sad messages about how he couldn’t get a date and he was unattractive and I was totally gonna bail on him. Which wasn’t the plan before, but it certainly was now!”
Tinder Date Failure
“I’m slightly on the large side, and I don’t try to hide it. So I was talking to a nice guy on Tinder and we hit it off straight away.
We met up at a bar, he saw me and the first words he said to me were, ‘Oh, I didn’t know you were fat.’ So I turned around and walked out.”
